Helen Culhane RSM and the Children's Grief Centre in Limerick

Introduction

My name is Helen Culhane and I joined the Mercy Congregation in 1980. I trained as a Social Worker, Psychotherapist and worked for many years in Child Protection, Child Psychiatry and Hospice Care. During 2007, I was employed as a Senior Social Worker in Milford Hospice, Limerick. I loved my work and was a member of a multidisciplinary team involving Nurses, Doctors, and Physiotherapist. I found caring for people towards the end of their lives very rewarding and fulfilling. I was particularly struck by how bereaved children found it difficult to cope and express their grief. It brought back memories to me of my own grief journey as a child. These memories surfaced some forty years later when I worked in the hospice. My brother Martin died when I was five and half years old. To this day I have vivid memories of his small white coffin being removed from our home and placed in the back seat of our neighbour’s car. To my mind he was whisked away.

Founding of the Children’s Grief Centre

The Congregation Chapter Statement of 2007 changed the course of my life. It read as follows:

This is the time when,

Centred in the God of Mercy,

WE WILL

Engage with the questions and struggles of our time.

Conscious of the interconnectedness of all life,

Together we will

REFOCUS OUR MERCY MISSION,

Committing our lives and resources

to the alleviation of extreme poverty in all its forms,

acting collaboratively

at local and global levels.

We each received a copy of the Chapter Statement which was inscribed on a bookmark. In the evenings as I prayed the bookmark consistently fell out of my office book.

One evening in particular, I picked it up and one sentence stared me in the face, “we will engage with the questions and struggles of today”. At that moment, I felt that the Lord was speaking to me, asking me what will you do about “the struggles of today?

From personal experience and my work in the hospice, I was acutely aware of the need for bereavement support for children. During this time, I read an interesting article that Limerick had the highest rate of divorce in Ireland.  Following a period of personal prayer and reflection, I contacted Sr. Peggy Collins (Provincial) with my vision for a Children’s Grief Centre.

With the support of the Congregation and a steering group of professionals, I established the Children’s Grief Centre in 2009 in two small rooms.

Today, the service offered at the Centre is a listening service that helps children and young people better understand and normalise their feelings. The Centre provides support to children, young people (aged 4-18 years) and their families, affected by loss through death, separation, divorce and helps children/young people overcome obstacles that keep them from living full lives.

The Centre also endeavours to educate the community that grieving is an important part of life and is essential to children’s on-going growth and development. There is an outreach to school staffs and parishes, helping to raise awareness of the effects of bereavement on children. Since 2009, the Centre has grown into a beacon of compassion, now serving families across the Mid-West and beyond. Due to the demand for the service a bigger premises was required.

New Premises

In 2020 the Ladies Residence, on the John Henry Newman Campus at Mary Immaculate College was kindly donated to the Children’s Grief Centre by the Sisters of Mercy. The building, was transformed into an oasis of calm where children are listened to and allowed time to heal through a variety of interventions and express their emotions in a safe environment. In 2023, the new state-of-the-art Children’s Grief Centre was officially opened by Minister Norma Foley.  The new Centre allows over ninety children a week to attend for support.

Bishop Brendan Leahy of Limerick recently wrote: “The Children’s Grief Centre, as it is today at the beautifully adapted new space at Mount St. Vincent, O'Connell Avenue, stands as a testament to what can happen when faith, love and compassion meet”.

Influence of Catherine McAuley

As a Mercy Sister, I am grateful for the remarkable woman Catherine McAuley was. Catherine read the signs of the times and responded to the needs of young women and children. Catherine inspired me and, with the support of the Congregation, to recognise that there was a lack of services and supports available for children and young people dealing with parental separation/divorce and bereavement.

Catherine was a woman of faith and encouraged her sisters to “put your whole confidence in God". This was the cornerstone of her spirituality and it is also my mantra.  For the reconfiguration of the new Centre, we had to raise three million euros. Over and over, I heard Catherine whispering in my ears: “put your whole confidence in God.” I put my confidence in God and numerous groups came on board including the JP McManus Benevolent Fund who donated two million euros towards the new Centre.

I believe that the work of the Children’s Grief Centre is in the spirit of Catherine’s charism which is to serve the bereaved, alleviate their pain, and bring hope and healing to them. The Centre is making a difference in the lives of children and young people experiencing loss through death, parental separation and divorce. In listening to the children and young people the Centre is providing them with much needed hope to help them realize that they are not alone.

In 2023, I made the decision to retire as the CEO of the Children’s Grief Centre. I handed on the baton to a new CEO who continues the work of supporting children through bereavement, parental separation and divorce.

The Congregation is no longer involved in the day to day running of the Centre but the beautiful building donated by the Sisters of Mercy will stand as a testament of the Congregations generosity for many years to come.

Helen Culhane RSM

Editor's note: We are grateful to Helen for being the first of our #Mercy200Stories. Beyond that, we are grateful for who she is and all she has done with the Children's Grief Centre in Limerick.

Photos used with permission.